Seriously. Most girls are guilty of it, going after/chasing/dating guys who don’t treat them right, at all. Or guys who aren’t grown up enough to be in a relationship. I’ve done it, my mother did it, my friends do it. But you have to come to the point when you have to stop going “hmmph! why are guys such jerks?!” and look at yourself and say “why do I keep going after guys who are jerks?” because there’s a difference.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all excusing their behavior. Men shouldn’t be douchebags. But here’s a secret, MEN aren’t. BOYS are. They should respect you and treat you well, not run away from their feelings, led you on, or use you. But seriously, they will treat you as badly as you allow them too.
I was friends with practically all guys in high school. I figured it would be less drama, and I thought that I just fit in better with them. Except, they constantly teased me, and gave me crap for “being a girl” saying that if I didn’t beat them at a video game, it was because I was a girl. Or that there was no way I could be into real video games like Bioshock, Call Of Duty, or Left 4 Dead because I’m a female. But if I played with/around them and did well, it was luck, not because I actually played them or was good at them. They teased me for trusting people too easily, because they were convinced that everyone was a liar and out to get them. They relentlessly tortured me over my taste in music because it wasn’t indie enough, and if I did like the same bands as them then I didn’t like them as much as they did or it didn’t matter because I still liked other bands that they decided weren’t worthy of their time. I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion, and when I did it wasn’t valid. The worst part? I trusted these douches! Called them my best friends. Thought “wow, I finally fit in!” even though they did not at all except me for who I was and only wanted to hang out with me when they were having a pity party or had nothing better to do.
But I can’t blame it all on them. Because I put up with it, for years. And when I finally started realizing that they were assholes and standing up for myself, again they chalked it up to me being a moody girl and figured that I was pms-ing or something and wrote off whatever I said.
Obviously, I don’t talk to those guys anymore. And I’ve never been happier. I don’t have a large group of friends, but that’s okay with me, because the ones I do have love me for who I am and they don’t treat me like crap.
It’s amazing what people start to see in you once you start seeing things in yourself. Step back and look at all your good qualities. Then tell yourself “Hey, I’m really kind, sweet, funny, good at _____, smart, etc.” and “Wait. I don’t deserve to be treated like that.” and then act on it. Really, if any of you have ever seen the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” or whatever it’s called, listen to it. Because honestly if a guy is acting like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. Guys will take nice, innocent, sweet girls and use them as long as you let them. If you take yourself seriously, then so will they. Or at least, you’ll cut out guys/people who don’t take you seriously once you realize that they don’t belong in your life.
It took me a long time to learn this lesson, and I’m watching friends still learn it. It hurts to have my friends come to me and say that a guy made them cry because of something stupid and then it pisses me off when they say that said guy also told them that she has to prove to him that she takes things seriously, prove more, do more, show more. People who really care about you will believe what you say and believe that you mean what you say, no matter who you used to be.
My boyfriend is an absolute sweetheart. He treats me so amazingly that sometimes I still can’t believe it, and we’re going on 2 years! He’s never treated me badly, ever, and I’ve known him for almost 5 years at this point. I trust him, and I know that he means everything he says to me. He’s never made me cry, never belittled me, never made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, because guess what? Real men don’t do that to girls they love. He makes me laugh, supports me, makes me believe in myself, does things just to see me smile, is always there for me, listen to me, talks things out with me, is my voice of reason, he’s pretty much just amazing 24/7.
But before I ended up with him, I had to want more for myself. Had to go “Hey, I don’t deserve to be treated badly” and then actually follow through and not put up with anyone who treated me so.
Pretty much, you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. You’re opinion of yourself is the one that matters, after all. I know it’s cliche, but it’s true.